OUr friends at GLD Associates in the  UK had this great article in their most recent newsletter. They have graciosuly allowed me to share with all of you.

How can he be so rude…?

Sarah was enjoying her new customer services role in the organisation where she’d worked for a number of years.  There was only one fly in the ointment and that was the fact that she couldn’t stand her new manager, Tony.  She considered him unbelievably rude and she was not alone – when she consulted her colleagues she discovered that they too found him ‘difficult’.

Things became so bad that HR had to become involved. However, although Tony accepted the evidence against him, he was baffled by it and therefore unable to change his ways.  HR were equally in a dilemma since Tony was a highly successful manager in that he delivered results consistently.

What was going on?

Apparently, for instance, during meetings Tony was in the habit of working at his laptop appearing to take no notice of the proceedings.   He would blank people in the corridor and, in the middle of discussions, he would cut people off in mid-flow and move the meeting on.  He would inform his staff of decisions that he’d made without consultation and seemed unsympathetic towards feedback.

There was no denying he got results but this seemed to be at the expense of staff morale.

What could be done?

We live in a blame culture but pointing fingers only makes matters worse.  Tony understood that his subordinates were unhappy but was baffled as to why given that the department was so successful.  His staff recognized and enjoyed the fact that their department was doing well but were resentful that Tony didn’t seem to appreciate their contribution towards that success.

In circumstances such as these the danger is that things can become personal.  However, when we apply Michael Grinder’s Cats and Dogs analogy to the situation we can see that this is simply a clash of behavioural styles.

Tony’s behaviour at work is ‘high Cat’ – his focus is on productivity, he enjoys making decisions and becomes frustrated when discussions go off-topic.  He does what needs to be done to achieve the targets and assumes that everyone else shares his motivation.

His staff on the other hand, being in Customer Services, are mostly ‘high Dog’.   They are concerned about morale and rapport as well as achieving results.   They enjoy gathering information and need to feel included.

The fact that Cats don’t do small talk and often fail to give sufficient acknowledgement to their Dogs is why Dogs consider the Cats are rude.   When Dogs recognize the positive intentions of the Cats and understand that it’s just about behavioural style, it is easier for them to avoid taking things personally.

When the Cats understand that even a small amount of acknowledgement will go a very long way they will gain far greater support from their Dogs.

If you’d like to discover more about how an understanding of ‘Cat and Dog’ behavioural styles can help you in your professional and personal worlds, then a great place to start is Michael Grinder’s book, "Charisma – The Art of Relationships." It also makes a great Christmas gift!  Click here for more information.

Until next time,
Graham Willson and Hazelann Lorkins
GLD Training Associates
 gldassociates.co.uk

 Excerpt of video interview of Michael Grinder from NLP4Now.

[MEDIA=12]

By Dr. Kendall Zoller

(A Commentary on Michael Grinder’s model)

This slide is from a keynote I delivered at the California Mathematics and Science Partnership Fall Conference in Sacramento. The keynote, Forging Partnerships: Tools for building collaborative groups, proposed to link the works of DuFour, Garmston and Wellman, Grinder, and Zoller & Landry to show the macro and micro models of school improvement. Specifically, the talk illustrated how the Professional Learning Community is a structure, Adaptive Schools is the ecology of community, and 7 Essential Abilities of Effective Presenters is the behavioral foundation grounded in the Pentimento model by Grinder.

The Professional Learning Community model proposed by Richard Dufour offers a “what” and “why” explanation for schools to become learning communities. His powerful model explains what a Professional Learning Community is and why you need it. However, the PLC macro-model does little to define or explain “how” to behaviorally establish and maintain a Professional Learning Community. It is a “macro” model because it provides the structural elements of a Professional Learning Community; it does not include the specific and essential behavioral elements—the “micro” components–of a highly functional Professional Learning Community.

Enacting a PLC is where the Adaptive Schools macro-model proposed by Garmston and Wellman comes in. On a macro-scale, Adaptive Schools (“AS”) is a large component of “how” to support and maintain a Professional Learning Community. In their book The Adaptive Schools (2008), they provide the “what,” “why,” and “how” of the behavioral and structural elements embedded in its framework. The structural elements include Ways of Talking, Norms of Collaboration, Group Member Capabilities, effective meeting structures, and facilitation moves. The behavioral elements of AS include voice, pause, and gesture, however these elements are not as fully developed as the Grinder Pentimento micro-model or the 7 Essential Abilities of Effective Presenters micro-model proposed by Zoller and Landry.

For a Professional Learning Community to be successful, it is essential for the Community to be proficient in the tools and strategies of the Adaptive Schools. By embracing the elements of the Adaptive School model, the PLC will engage in true dialogues and ensure that all voices are heard.

Taking this one step further, to be fully adept at Adaptive Schools it is essential to be proficient in the Pentimento or the 7 Essential Abilities of Effective Presenters.

The nonverbal patterns of communication provide structures that support congruence, establish and maintain credibility and rapport, and provide ways of recognizing and influencing group dynamics and group permission. The Grinder model is a ”micro” model that provides the how on a discrete behavioral level. Within the Grinder micro model there are descriptions and explanations of “what” and “why.”

The following explanation illustrates the importance and essential requirement of knowing the Grinder model. Assume a group member intellectually understands Inquiry, Probing, Paraphrasing, Naïve Questions Pausing, and Advocacy. In addition, assume that the group member does not have conscious awareness of non-verbal patterns: when they speak, they speak independent of knowing the “permission level” (degree of receptivity) of the group. If the permission level is high, then the group is receptive and the speaker is okay. If permission is low, then the group is not receptive and the speaker may get into trouble. Knowing the Grinder micro-level offers an advantage to implementing the Garmston/Wellman model.

Linking these three models together generates at least two assumptions and one implication:

1. Assumption: Implementing Dufour’s Professional Learning Community independent of Garmston and Wellman’s Adaptive Schools will produce a less effective Professional Learning Community

2. Assumption: Implementing Garmston and Wellman independent of Grinder’s Pentimento or Zoller and Landry’s 7 Essential Abilities of Effective Presenters may be functional; however, they will have a limited proactive and reactive capability.

3. Implication: By being conscious of the nonverbal models, any member, including the person-in-charge, can be proactive within each of the other two models and thus more effective.

Have more energy at the end of the day… Tired of the struggle in the classroom?  Start building relationships to influence your classroom. No need to use power. Reach those hard-to-reach students with the ENVoY set of systemic nonverbal management skills.

Learn the ENVoY classroom management skills to:

• Understand poverty
• Reach the hard-to-reach student
• Managing different learning styles
• Inspire the uninspired student
• Develop your own personal charisma

ENVoY–Your Personal Guide to Classroom Management is on

Date:

Saturday, Nov. 22, 2008 from 8:30 to 3:30.

Location:

Pringle Elementary School
5500 Reed Ln. S.
Salem, Oregon

To Register:  contact is Ann Martin at  Ann.Martin@wesd.org, or call her at 503-588-5330

One graduate credit will be offered through Willamette University. The cost is $95 which includes the cost of the book.

 “Reading” a person’s traits and finding out about his or her strengths and liabilities is one of his easier tasks. “Reading” a group and conducting ‘Group Wizardry’ through the Art and Science of Nonverbal Communication is his daily Masterpiece. His extraordinary work from teaching and observing thousands of classrooms to training and coaching large companies is the result of his incredible perception skills, his perfect timing – and most of all – his fine ability of “getting permission” – of forming relationships with people, young and old, poor and rich, “cats” as well as “dogs”.
“Charisma” is no longer an “inherited trait” but an expression of our well-practiced nonverbal communication skills.
 
Back in 1988 in the very first seminar Michael conducted in Germany, the first seminar I was allowed to attend and interpret for Michael, when I was still a student of psychology – it was one single nonverbal skill Michael whispered in my ear – this sentence, this skill, this single most important Nonverbal changed my whole life: the ability to “breathe”. For: “you can do anything and you can learn anything … as long as you can breathe…”
 
Through all the years that I was privileged to work as Michael’s “German voice”, his interpreter in his brilliant seminars, Michael’s way of “leading with influence instead of power” was a great model for me. Starting at the point where you “give yourself grace” and practise “recovery (which) is better than being perfect”, Michael’s approach is fundamentally practical and experiential:
 
Did you know that what you do with your hands while you breathe in or out makes a huge difference in your leadership abilities? Did you realize that leading yourself is a prerequisite to leading other people?
 
Michael’s professional expertise, his experience in life and applied research make him a person who has walked in many moccasins, thus discovering the “Pentimento”, the building blocks of Nonverbal Communication and creating learning experiences for his participants that change their behaviour yet also their beliefs about themselves and others. By teaching and applying “Micro” Grinder skills – he helps people reach their highest level of professionalism, to unfold their potential and become “liaisons”, people who help heal teams, groups, or nations. His consistency, his reliability and yet his flexibility in leading people to their own goals, his respectful way of attending to individuals’ and groups’ needs and values, his fostering of win-win relationships, is unprecedented.
 
Michael always walks what he talks. You can not read about him, you have to see and experience him. His admirable fairness and his extraordinary Negociation Skills are two main variables of his work in teaching and coaching individuals as well as groups. While his range of influence reaches from socially neglected teenagers in the poorest districts to the highest political leaders and ranks of Nations he creates a microcosm that helps people change and unfold their potential, teach, coach and lead others through influence not power and thus he creates a macrocosm that brings permission, positive win-win relationships, valued diversitiy, fairness and peace into this world.
 
With deepest respect and love for your work, life, and the love you give,
 
Gabi Dolke
Michael’s German interpreter and translator 
 

TEACHERS LEARN NEW APPROACH TO DISCIPLINE
The Minneapolis School District is hoping to improve academic achievement by reducing the number of students who get sent out of the classroom or suspended because of their behavior.    The district is encouraging teachers to learn techniques that will help them prevent disruptions and manage discipline within the classroom.  The training is being offered as part of a new compensation system for teachers.

Link to entire story

Al Gore received the Nobel Peace Prize for campaigning about global warming.  Thomas Friedman’s The World is Flat cleverly used two numbers in two different sequences to illustrate how events have much greater global impact than they used to. “9/11” – Bombing of the World Trade Center and “11/9” – the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Both Al Gore and Thomas Friedman are reminding you and me of our growing interdependence and the fact that our lives are intertwined both with people next door and people on the other side of the world.  We are awaking to global matrimonial vows: “For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health we are grouped.”   The “me” generation has long been replaced with “I need you” and “you need me” – we are a group.

In the past the terms “group” and "team” carried connotations which were commonly understood. Several factors have changed the certainty of what is meant by “groups.” We need a new vocabulary to understand groups. Such a language will reduce people’s fear of this global interdependency. 

Michael’s newest training and upcoming book Managing Groups – The Fast Track explains the dynamics of groups whether the group‘s membership is from the same culture or different cultures. As a student you will learn to switch from being reactive and surprised by life to being proactive and able to direct groups.

To shock people into realizing the geometric growth of interdependence we have people take the following survey. This survey can be done mentally — yet the clarity of the results is greater if you use a piece of paper.

1. Leave some space at the top of the page.
2. Put your name on the top line and list the 10-15 people you spend most of your time with. Do it now before proceeding. Feel free to make half of the names from your working world and half from your private world.
3. Once you have your list, at the top of the page, make 5-7 columns to the right of the names. Have each column represent a major variable of your make up. Examples include: level of education, religion, regions you have lived for at least 5 years, socio-economic level, affiliations (for example, political, professional, community), ethnicity, etc.
4. Fill out your own line in terms of variables, and then fill out the lines of the 10-15 people. Reflect on the result.

Are your answers to the variables about the same as those of the 10-15 people or are they different?

• If your 10-15 people have about the same answers as you, you were probably ready for the last century, but you might not be ready for this century.  
• If you had a wide variety of people you engage with   at work and have friends in your personal life that have similar answers to you, then you probably understand the changing nature of the world.
• If you have a wide variety of people both in working world and in your private world, then you are most likely part of this changing world.

Admittedly, we are more likely to experience the shrinking globe at work, than at home. In the past, our memberships were in groups whose norms we recognized and identified with. And we stayed in those groups a long time. Now the groups we belong to look unfamiliar to us. It is just human nature to shy from and, at times, be frightened of the unknown, that is why understanding the dynamics of groups is so important today.

By Toy Odiakosa — www.ela-consulting.com

A child’s lessons in eye and hand co-ordination (“EHC”) may be a cute developmental activity, but are there applications in business?  I recently asked myself—where are my eyes during my favorite game of golf, tennis, skiing.  If, like many people, your eyes look where the player is looking then the below could be interesting.

This note effectively predicts what the impact of your message will be, based on how you use your eye and hand co-ordination to focus your listeners’ attention.  As an effective speaker you will almost certainly demonstrate the idea that your listeners look where you are looking.  According to research¹, we can predict that the listener (“L”) follows the speaker’s (“S”) eyes and the 3 diagrams below show how.  Diagram 1 shows how we non-verbally signal to a listener to “look at me”. Diagram 2 shows how we follow the sports person’s eyes.  Diagram 3 transposes the concept of following the lead person’s eyes, from the sports field and demonstrates its practical application during pitches and high stakes meetings, where your listener’s focus may be more usefully directed away from you and to relevant data.

1. LISTENER FOLLOWS SPEAKER’S EYES
Ifyou look at a person and speak, they will most likely look back at you to hear what you are saying and you are the object of the listener’s interest².

2. THE THIRD POINT
In a sporting event the observer, you, is one point of focus, the sportsman is the second, the third point of focus is the ball.  During play the ball holds the player’s attention maximally to becomethe most important object point of focus.

3. EASY, EFFECTIVE IMPACT
The classic mistake in using a visual aidis to put up a slide, turn your back on it and, face the audience to begin speaking.  In this scenario the listener is disallowed from reading the slide –because you are looking at them (diagram 1above) with the result that the listener’s focus is split. A practical guide for usefully shifting the listener’s focus away from you and towards another point of focus is to use of eye and hand co-ordinationeffectively.

Speakers who use slides effectively have been known to put the slide upand look at it silently for a few seconds, allowing listeners to read.  We also know that they often use those few seconds to refocus their breathing since no eyes are on them and their back is to the audience.  They can then return to the listeners with the advantage of having had a mini-pause for breath. The research shows significant increase in message stickiness and impact for the listener. An effective chairman turns to the page in document and makes their point as they look at the material for a few seconds.

If the advantages of EHC in pitches and meetings is obviousthen does the concept extend to the dinner table?
As an executive coach I am blessed with clients who are willing to test new behaviours in the real world.  They may initially wince under the pangs of jealousyand fear, but only for as long as it takes to extract whatever information the wounds might hold. Then they quickly move on. In this world my clients do not need to mask the feelings that are the expressions of themselves just because are still testing out how to satisfyingly express them.  Just one method of accessingbehaviours that are the authentic manifestation of they is through non- verbal interaction. When my client says they want their listener paying attention to the topic rather than to them, I get them practicing their eye and hand co-ordination. When a client says they want to reduce the number of eyes on them…ditto.
——

^{1 The Elusive Obvious by Michael Grinder
2 The Elusive Obvious by Michael Grinder}

ELA Consulting is an executive coaching practice serving senior level people

Hi Michael,
Hope you are well. I just wanted to share my story with you – it still astonishes and amuses me but I think its fantastic too and is obviously great feedback on the quality of your training, research and materials.

After the course, I decided to have a go at running a little ‘lunch and learn’ session about some of the non-verbal techniques. I offered it to some people I knew well; they came along, I got some feedback, refined it and offered it again. That was in April. Since then I have done two sessions a month – I do not advertise, nor send out details to my distribution lists – the sessions are filled purely by attendees going back and recommending them to their colleagues. Occasionally I have cancellations but always fill them with help from previous attendees. I have them booked up until September.
They have a life of their own, everyone loves them and the funniest thing – this isn’t part of my job, I just decided to do it off my own back but they have ended up being one of the best networking things ever – I have met loads of new people!

They are small (7 people) and very informal and friendly. Very interactive and we have discussions, share stories, and have a great experience. I have every level of person in the room right from the top -  Group Vice President and have wonderful stories from people who have used it. My favourite was someone who got a pay rise from going 3rd point. I get everyone in the room to have a go and then get them to feed back to each other (rather than me doing it). It works so well – and attendees love that they meet new people at the same time. I always make sure I have a mix of cats and dogs – so that the cats learn that not everyone is like them and the dogs all look at me with such relief – its very sweet.
Always tell them about you and share some of your stories and scare them by telling them you have taught yourself to not blink for 40 mins. As soon as I do that, they immediately know you’re seriously impressive and buy-in to everything:-)

Its is only since doing them that I realised how essential all of the practice was on the course as I can now give very good demos. Also had the ultimate validation from someone at a workshop last week – I was explaining afterwards about non-verbals and he said "Ah, that makes sense. In the workshop I noticed that when you speak everyone listens and the room goes silent. Now I know why"

Anyway, wanted to say thank you and let you know there are some much better communicators in BP because of you! Just a few examples of feedback enclosed (though obviously only dogs write and say thank you afterwards – the cats just go off and do it!)

Regards
Judith Parker
Change, Communications & Engagement Manager
Business Services Transformation Project
BP 

Word comes to us from across the pond, that our graduate of Group Dynamics has taken first place in Division B in a recent Toastmaster event! Way to go Hilary!

"Michael,

I thought Gail and yourself would be pleased to hear of my recent success in the Toastmasters International UK & Ireland Speech
Evaluation contest (see www.thelondonspeaker.com).

In this contest, the contestants hear a 7 min speech, and then have 5 mins to prepare their 2-3min evaluation highlighting what they liked about the speech, any areas of weakness the speaker has and how they might improve.

I found the material from the Group Dynamics course really helpful in boosting my evaluation skills, and also enhancing my delivery -
my credibility & authority was noted!

Hope you’re both really well & many thanks again for the fabulous course.

Love & best wishes,
Hilary Briggs"

See Hilary here: —see http://thelondonspeaker.typepad.com/weblog/2008/05/a-belated-cill.html