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An interview with Kim Wells, Director of Learning and Teaching Caterham School, and Michael Grinder
A graduate of Michael Grinder’s UK’s Group Mastery program, Helen Oakwater, an adoptive parent, NLP Coach and Trainer, adopted a pre-school sibling group in the early 1990s and has first-hand knowledge of living with ‘the child who hurts’.
Her knowledge and perspectives are borne from her own personal journey, membership of adoption panels, books, numerous training courses and other adopters. Here she looks at the needs of both parents and our children and why knowing our values can help us to a better understanding of ourselves.
A cuppa, a hug, acknowledgement, dignity, a toilet, self-respect, grounding, fulfilment, warm socks, protection, importance or . . ? We all have needs which we strive to meet, sometimes consciously; popping to the bathroom is a conscious act.
Sometimes the need is satisfied outside of our conscious awareness. Maybe you prefer to sit with your back to the wall in a restaurant, because, at an unconscious level, it feels safer.
We adopted our children to fulfill our own personal needs. Even though our individual motivations may have varied, we all felt something was missing from our lives.
A need was not met and we strove to attain it.
What do all humans need? You, me, our children – everyone is driven to fulfill unmet human need. It’s what motivates us and drives our behaviour, every second of the day, every day of the week.
By understanding our own needs and those of our children we gain another perspective on the extraordinary task of parenting traumatised children.This article includes two theoretical models to help make sense of our feelings and the often apparently nonsensical behaviour of our children. Remember – children’s behaviour is their vocabulary – as adults we must learn to understand and interpret it.
To learn more about Helen, contact her at:
Helen Oakwater
NLP Coach & Trainer
9 Richmond Bridge Mansions
Willoughby Road
Twickenham
TW1 2QJ
Tel: +44 (0) 208 288 0334
Mob: 07711 478 479
What a great interview today on Beyond Lip Service with Sharon Sayler.
If you haven’t had a chance to listen to it you are really missing something. We discussed:
and the 4 levels of perception; each has a unique outcome or purpose for observing.
There’s a very good reason why people don’t listen to you,
Why you can’t seem to effectively lead others no matter how hard you try…
Here Is How Non-Verbal Communication Works For Thousands of Managers,
Sales People, and Business Professionals
Here is the blunt truth about effective communication, and one remarkable,
seminar series that will actually turn you into a master persuader.
By Charles Damerell
There is a complete approach to effective communication that really works. That’s why I am so deeply concerned when I see people who honestly want to lead a successful team of colleagues, be more charismatic and persuasive, but are then bitterly disappointed by their total lack of results….
Half-truths and misinformation are everywhere. I want to clear up the ambiguity once and for all and present the hard facts about effective communication that will make you more charismatic, effective, and admired …!
If you’ve tried to be a leader among your colleagues and have still been unable to gain their respect, it’s probably NOT YOUR FAULT. In fact, there are several very real reasons why this has happened to you – why speeches and pep talks have been doomed to failure right from the start.
I promise you, YOU CAN BE THE EFFECTIVE, ADMIRED LEADER YOU WANT TO BE, almost immediately, and with dramatic improvement in your workplace, without manipulation, bullying, painful disagreements, and frustration.
What I see in the reasons why leaders and managers fail to be effective communicators can be grouped into three categories:
Many team leaders and managers adopt the philosophy of “Do it my way, or you’re fired.” This strong-arm way of managing people may temporarily get them to do what you want, but you destroy morale and damage productivity (and often people walk out) – because nobody likes to work in an intimidating environment.
And many of them may actually seek to sabotage your success if you push them too hard, because they can develop an intense dislike for you and work towards your personal failure.
Managers that let their colleagues walk all over them, intimidate them, ignore instruction, cause dissent and apathy in the office, and generally do whatever they want, simply are not effective leaders because they allow a culture of laziness and disrespect to infect everyone else, dragging the whole business down. They are NOT true leaders.
Look, we would all like to wave a magic wand and wish all the office problems away, while we melt into the safety of our private offices, and still reap all the rewards, praise and accolades of an efficient and profitable department without conflict.
Unfortunately, effective leaders and managers can’t hide and “hope it all goes away.” But there’s an even bigger problem than trying to be invisible, and that’s thinking that you are saying one thing to people… when in fact you’re saying something completely different.
Listen, the words you choose to use matter. They convey information in a way that people can then make a decision on what to do next. What most people don’t realize however is that where you look while delivering the information speaks volumes to your listener. Most people have no idea that they are actually “misusing” their eyes when they communicate, causing a completely different message to be “heard” by their listeners.
PICTURE YOURSELF – enjoying the satisfaction of having your colleagues listen to and follow your every word…. the same people who would have ignored you if you screamed “Fire!” The same people who, privately, think you’re a “weak leader” with “no vision”. Now they see a new, confident, charismatic you, who commands respect and attention, and they are amazed and maybe even jealous.
IMAGINE YOURSELF actually eager to enter the boardroom to deliver a major presentation or confidently meet with your most important client or lead your team to new heights in productivity. IMAGINE yourself commanding the attention of a rapt audience and drinking in the praise and recognition you receive! THE PERSUASIVE CHARISMA THAT HAS ELUDED YOU IN THE PAST CAN FINALLY BE “REAL” FOR YOU.
First, simply “lecturing” people without “listening” to their reactions cannot work for you, because people are always communicating with you, giving you feedback, whether they are speaking or not. The only way to truly understand people and effectively persuade them is to learn to recognize the subtle non-verbal communication that’s taking place.
Second, just because you think you’re saying something doesn’t mean that’s what people are hearing. Instead, you need to understand the secrets of delivering a perfect message every time by using verbal and non-verbal communication.
Third, because the real meaning of what is being communicated is found in the tone, posture, gesture, gaze, and breathing, you could be completely misunderstanding what people are actually saying, while you are likely being misunderstood. But the good news is we have a system to quickly help you with all three of these “communication saboteurs”. And More!
Have you ever wondered, as I have, why some work colleagues get promoted over others, or why their ideas are more readily accepted, even when we may have voiced the same idea in a meeting 15 minutes before they did?
So, how do these people get recognised so quickly and be taken so seriously? The answer is that these people have mastered non-verbal communications.
What happens next? Simply use the link below to learn more about upcoming classes NVI
international are offering go to
Michael Grinder Presents -
Go Visual!: Non-Verbal INSTRUCTIONAL Techniques for Teachers
This training will focus on non-verbal forms of communication teachers can use to increase student retention. School doesn’t need to be a private club for visual learners. Let’s expand the membership!!
We know which students do well in school – the ones who arevisually-oriented. Have you ever asked yourself, “What can we do about the students who are bright enough and yet still can’t do ‘school’? This program is for you. During the 3 classes we will reveal the cognitive secrets of the “better students.” We will examine the non-verbals that allow more students to operate successfully in school.
Our topics will include:
Michael’s style is one that uses lots of group involvement, humor and energy. Participants really appreciate the delivery as well as the take-home value of the content of his work. An educator with 17 years of experience as a classroom instructor, Michael Grinder presents accelerated learning and group presentation skills workshops internationally. He uses behavioral modeling techniques and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) in business settings and in schools.
This training is appropriate for teachers grades 2-12, including special education.
This class is being offered for free this year only.
Sorry no clock hours or credit available this time.
Class dates: April 13, 20, and 27, 2009 Times: 4-6:30 PM
Location: Marshall Elementary School (Media Center)
6400 MacArthur Blvd, Vancouver
To Register: e-mail Krista Grinder
This is a rare opportunity to spend a day with a pioneer of classroom management. Michael Grinder taught for 17 years on 3 levels of education. He was runner-up for Washington State Teacher of the year. He has written over a dozen books based on his 6,000 classroom observations.
Michael is the leading advocate of increasing educators’ ability to recognize and respond to non-verbal patterns of communication. This is especially important because increasingly, we find ourselves educating populations that come from a culture other than ours. You will leave with an increase in cross-cultural sensitivities.
You will walk away with how to:
Michael’s style is inspiring and humorous–your learning will be practical and long-lasting.
Date:
Saturday April 25th
8:30am – 3:30pm
(Authentic Mexican lunch available for purchase or encouraged to bring lunch)
Location:
Marshall Elementary/School Library
6400 MacArthur Blvd, Vancouver, WA
Cost:
$125.00 for registrations prior to March 15th
After this date $150.00
WA Clock Hours or Chapman College Semester Credit available the day of class
Presented by:
Krista Grinder & Associates
16621 259th Street,
Battle Ground, WA 98604
and
A & J Educational and Professional Consulting, LLC
Registration / Information :
Gail Grinder at 360-687-3238, or kristagrinder@msn.com
by Michael Grinder
I often get asked about the qualities of an effective, charismatic leader. One important quality is the ability to be comfortable within one’s position – especially as it relates to the need to use power instead of influence. A person-in-charge’s comfort when managing directly affects the group’s ability to function. She manages in many directions such as upwards with bosses, downwards with subordinates, and sideways with colleagues. In addition, she often has different management styles based on the direction she is managing.
Her style needs to fit the culture of the group or organization. If the culture is "cat-oriented," she is expected to comply with the level above and to expect compliance from the level below. In a "dog-oriented" culture, she is expected to have fewer differences in how she interacts with people above and below her position.
The Key to Her Success
When she breathes low, it is a sign that she is comfortable with both the use of influence and power as it relates to management. It is wise for someone to pick a culture and a position inside that organization that matches their style of comfort. In general, people want to work for someone who is comfortable buffering pressure from above, holding peers accountable, and supporting their handling of inappropriate subordinates.
Michael Grinder here,
It’s pretty cold here in the Pacific Northwest. I’m hard at work on my latest book and thought since we can’t do much outside during this cold weather maybe it’s time to learn something new.
Now, I know not all of you are in the deep-freeze as we are here… but we have developed a great, new way to learn some of the latest work I’ve been developing. Most of you know I’ve offered training materials for some time now. Well, I just learned how to offer great downloadable events too, so now is your chance to learn something new too…
Today through the end of the year, we are trying something very different. We are offering our newest training "Building Charisma in the Work Place: Corporate Cats and Dogs" A Live Training from Essex, England as an online product. Online delivery via mp3 allows us to bring you this great training at a lower cost.
Seriously, I think it’s a pretty great idea. At just $19.95 through December, (retail $24.95) you can give any manager or leader (including yourself) within your company (even works with members of your family) a complete audio recording of my 6-hour seminar that covers most of my entire book, "Charisma, The Art of Relationships." Plus I have added the complete pdf transcripts (over 80 pages) of the 6 hours of “Charisma in the Work Place.”
Here’s the special link to get your own:
http://www.michaelgrinder.com/corporate-cats-and-dogs-live-from-essex-england/
It’s the gift that will keep on giving all as you see your workplace transformed with the power of influence. Hope you Holiday plans are rolling along and getting ready for the new year too.
Talk soon,
Michael
p.s. This could be your best (and easiest) chance yet to transform your team and revitalize your leadership in the workplace – especially if you’re already too busy and have a limited budget.
Download this great cover article about the nonverbal work from a classroom management perspective from the National Staff Development Council (www.nsdc.org.) The original article was published in Professionally Speaking, a publication from the Ontario College of Teachers in Canada and written by Leanne Miller.
