Michael Grinder & Associates

"Seeing it coming" is the essence of non-verbal intelligence. Imagine how many times things might have gone differently if you had seen it coming! Imagine now, what it will be like to not only see it coming but knowing if you need to respond…

Initially, our non-verbal intelligence operates from “generalizations.” While generalizations are often not true, they provide us with statistical accuracy, so that we are not constantly surprised by life. Using generalizations help us develop our non-verbal intelligence. Non-verbal intelligence is the ability to:

• Recognize patterns of communication

• Label patterns of communication

• Predict patterns of communication

• Respond to patterns of communication

The tapestry of artistic communication comes from the fabric of being outside yourself with quality timing being woven throughout.

Most people have the ability to recognize patterns of communication. For example, you are attending a meeting and notices that Frank’s voice suddenly becomes loud. The rest of the members attending are wide-eyed with the their mouths open. You definitely recognize that an important pattern of communication has occurred. In fact, you are so mesmerized by Frank’s behavior and the other members’ response that you become preoccupied with wanting to remember this turning point of the meeting.

If you had the labels for the behaviors, you can stay in “up-time”, a state of disassociated awareness, and notice what happens next. As your non-verbal vocabulary increases, you can quickly label Frank’s voice as “credible” and the members’ reactions as “shocked.”

“Predict” or "seeing it coming” is the 3rd level of non-verbal intelligence, also known as Perception. The “Predict” level of non-verbal intelligence comes from having seen and labeled enough examples of credibility to know that such behaviors result in listeners feeling like the speaker doesn’t want input. So when the members are shocked, you are not because you instantly recognized, labeled and predicted that the members would be shocked.

The last level of Non-verbal Intelligence, “Respond,” is put in italics because you may not have “permission” to respond. As you develop perception and timing—the ultimate question is broached—the question of “if” it is appropriate to respond. If you have "permission" to respond.

Breathing is the only reliable indicator of permission. In MGA’s Pentimento, BLIP is the single most important non-verbal variable. It is the only cross-culturally accurate indicator of your permission level with another person or group. Influence is the cousin of permission.

When trying to determine "if", ask yourself, “Do I have an outcome and am I flexible in getting it?” Often the difference between power and influence is not the technique employed, but the timing (if) of the employment of your outcome.The concept of "if" and "permission" seeks long-term relationship over short-term rapport.