Michael Grinder & Associates

Developing Charisma  (Lessons from the World of Cats and Dogs)
by Edwina Biucchi, Senior Coach, Inside Out®

WHAT IS CHARISMA?

Originating from the Greek ‘kharis’ meaning ‘divine favour’ or ‘gift’, most sources agree that charisma refers to a quality of those who have uncanny ability to charm or influence people. The Wikipedia definition describes a charismatic person as someone who generally ‘projects unusual calmness, confidence, assertiveness, dominance, authenticity and focus’ and who almost always has ‘superb communication and/or oratorical skills’. French sociologiest, Pierre Bourdieu (1930-2003) stated that charisma can only be assured if other people agree that someone has it.  So you either have it or you don’t.  Correct?

No, not at all!  Even if we are not all blessed with a high degree of innate personal magnetism, many leadership experts and coaches believe that charisma is something that can be learnt and that with it come more influence and better leadership of teams, families, companies, countries.  In my own coaching and Leadership Workshops, I’ve found that supporting clients make very small changes in voice patterns, presentation, body language – the non-verbal behaviours -  will have a profound effect, not only on how that person appears externally,  but also on how they feel internally. 

Professor Richard Wiseman, Professor of the Public Understanding of Psychology, University of Hertfordshire, and author of The Luck Factor, gives some hints for attaining more charisma. These include:

• Use an open body posture, hands away from the face when talking
• Stand upright, relax, hands aprt with palms forwards or upwards
• With individuals: let people know they matter and you enjoy being around them, develop a genuine smile, nod when they talk, briefly touch on the upper arm, and maintain eye contact for person-to-person conversations
• With a group: be comfortable, move around to appear enthusiastic, lean slightly forward and look at all parts of the group

— Message: move beyond status quo and make a differnece, be controversial, new simple to understand, counter-intuitie

— Speech: be clear, fluent, forceful and articulate, evoke imagery, use an upbeat temp, occasionally slow for tension or emphasis.

These are useful tips but perhaps daunting to some. To be  ‘clear, fluent, forceful and articulate’, may not be your natural style and the thought of using metaphor or imagery in your talks frightening rather than encouraging. For those who prefer their tips to have a practical bent, I can suggest putting the ‘cat and dog’ theory of leadership into practice.

Cats and Dogs
Part of a Coach’s work involves sitting in on a client’s meetings and noting behaviours and attitudes that are prevalent at the table.  It’s fascinating work, all the more intriguing since I graduated from Group Dynamics, a course run by Michael Grinder, brother of the equally famous John (a founding name in the world of NLP).   Michael addresses the intriguing question:  ‘what makes a charismatic leader?”  

His answer is  ‘someone who is not in love with the influence of power, but rather is in love with the power of influenc’, in other words someone who knows how to combine the ‘cat’ and ‘dog’ aspects of their personality. Cats tend to have a ‘credible’ persona – authoritative demeanour, flat-toned voice tone turning down at the end, body language calm and still -  and tend to  command immediate attention. . Dogs have a more ‘approachable’ style. They have a more friendly demeanour, smile and nod more, use open palms when speaking and their voice pattern is lilting and turns up at the end. We all have access to both these sets of qualities; but knowing how and when to use them is the important issue. 

According to Michael Grinder’s research, around 70 per cent of the Western world are ‘dogs’ and 30 per cent are ‘cats’. Also, statistically, women are more likely to be dogs. In the business world, it is the cats that tend to be first in line for promotion and who get the leadership jobs.  Does that mean they are the best people for those jobs?  Not necessarily, not unless they also know how to use their ‘dog’ qualities as well as their ‘cat’ tendencies, but cats are sometimes ruthless in their pursuit of their career  and may care not a jot for any human debris left in their wake as they plough through the waters of their personal ambition.

So how do you know if you are more of a dog or a cat? I say ‘more of’, because of course we are using generalisations here. But the generalisation is useful, if only to help us understand our natural style and help us make changes that will increase our influence and our charisma.

Soft on people, hard on issues
When facilitating anexecutive meeting recently, with a brief to give feedback afterwards on the style of the three senior people attending, here’s what I noticed about the non-verbal communication.

David (almost 100 per cent CAT) 

• Did not bother with pleasantries, but sat straight down at the table
• Sat with head and body still
• Sat slightly forward on his chair with straight back
• Looked attentively, without smiling at the speaker, or leant back, looked down and played with his Blackberry
• Hands under the table or clasped on the table
• Appeared bored with the conversation
• Tendency to aggressive attack of others, fingers pointing while looking intently and critically at the other person, breathing high in the chest, thus  making his voice sound angry
• Ignored his PA who brought him coffee
• Spoke little but when he did used a  ‘credible’ or ‘cat’ voice pattern – flat, decisive and turned down at the end of the sentence.

Diagnosis: Too cat-like

ADVICE TO DAVID: 

• Start using a more approachable style to show you value people
• When conversing normally or praising others, use eye contact, nod the head, smile, show interest in that person
• When giving negative or critical  feedback use ‘third point’ – a flipchart of a sheet of  paper to back up your statements. Guide the other person’s eyes down to that piece of paper and look at it together.  In that way,  the relationship with that person is preserved and you show the problem is the issue, not them personally. 
• Breathe low to reduce the effect of ‘anger’ in your voice and encourage others to relax too
• Seek more influence, less power
• ‘Soft on people, hard on issues’, is the key.

Sarah (almost 100 per cent dog)

• Moved around in her chair 
• Fiddled with pens
• Put hands up to her face or leant her chin on her hand
• Constantly smoothed or twiddled her hair
• Lolled in her chair
• Swung her legs
• Turned fully to the coffee bringer and thanked her profusely
• Spoke often and quickly
• Asked questions or commented a good deal with a lilting voice turned up at the ends
• Smiled all the time, even when serious issues were being discussed
• Threw glances at David to see his reaction

DIAGNOSIS.  Too dog-like

RESULTS.  No one took much notice of Sarah,  even when she had something interesting and pointed to say, which she did, because she threw the comments away in what appeared to be  a weak interjection.  If the others did look her way, it was because her behaviour was distracting, annoying or unnerving.   This was a classic scenario:  a woman with an ‘approachable’ style complains that she makes a great point, no one listens,  and then a few minutes later a man with a ‘credible’ style repeats it and everyone agrees.  David repeated one of her points (without reference to her) and everyone nodded and wrote it down.

ADVICE FOR SARAH:

• Adopt some ‘cat’ characteristics -–  still body language and flat voice pattern turned down at the end  -– particularly when making important points
• Wait for someone to take a breath before interrupting, to give yourself some airspace
• If necessary raise your voice over the hubbub of voices to get attention (eg,  ‘Just one thing!’),   pause until all are looking your way, then speak in a more whispery voice to make your point – but a SLOW, whispery voice. This is a great attention grabber
• Breathe low in your abdomen to take your voice level down and to reduce any possible stress. If you breathe high you will sound whiney or breathy
• Always use pauses when speaking and speak more slowly. “This…..is the direction….we need to take.. it makes you seem even more intelligent!
• Put your hand out, palm down when making your point and leave it there, head still, for a split second longer than you think you want to! this will also grab attention
• Engage everyone around the table with your eyes

Indira (50 per cent DOG and 50 per cent CAT)

• Welcomed everyone as they came in in a friendly way, with a personal interchange or question
• At this early stage of the proceedings, Indira spoke lightly with palms open, a nodding head and a smile, approachable voice pattern (lilting and turning up at the end)
• Gave a general introduction in an impassioned voice, pausing, breathing low, engaging all in her topic
• Engaged questioners by turning towards them, listening and nodding
• When turning to the issues, she used a flipchart – making the information visual – using ‘third point’.
• When dealing with these issues, she changed her body language to ‘credible’ – still head, still body, set face, voice tone flat and going down at the end, pausing, looking intelligent and breathing low.
• With one particularly difficult issue, where someone around the table had made a mistake with figures that had had some severe consequences, she took pains not to blame the perpetrator who was present (David did) but instead presented the issue as a problem for the team to solve together. They rose to the occasion with faces saved.

DIAGNOSIS: A good mix of Cat and Dog and a promising charismatic leader

RESULTS: Indira gained the respect of  the room. She was soft on people, hard on issues, able to move from ‘approachable’ to ‘credible’ appropriately – half dog, half cat.  She sought to influence rather than dictate with power. As she had not cast any blame on anyone in particular, the person responsible for the ‘mistake’ took the blame himself because it was a safe environment in which to do so. David went up to her afterwards and asked her some questions. As a leader, therefore, Indira  is likely to gain the affection of the ‘dogs’ in the Company, and the ‘respect’ of the cats.  She will also be a good intermediary, interpreting messages for each group.

ADVICE FOR INDIRA

• Keep up the good work!
• Coach others in an adaptable cat/dog style  that is soft on people and hard on issues
• Engage a Coach to work with your team on the power of influence and a balance between cat and dog qualities

Clearly, for a leader to excel, behind these practical techniques there must be a confident, calm and emotionally intelligent individual whose behaviour is consistent,  but if you practice your ‘cat’ and ‘dog’ systematically, you will be amazed at the results and  find your increased confidence will lead to greater influence in your Organisation.

Edwina Biucchi is a Senior Performance Coach with Inside Out® working with senior individuals and their teams to encourage peak performance and emotionally intelligent leadership. She runs regular workshops on Impact and Style  Tel: +44 (0)20 8341 7785, edwinabiucchi@insideout.biz.